Remix Judaism by Roberta Rosenthal Kwall

Author:Roberta Rosenthal Kwall
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: undefined
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2012-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

It’s All about Communication—Both the How and the What

I want to return to the subject of intermarriage, given that this topic is one that many non-Orthodox Jewish parents will continue to face. I fully understand that not everyone believes that marrying someone Jewish is important, and that some people who believe raising Jewish children is a priority still may question the need for two Jewish parents. Also, some people claim that labeling intermarriage as a problem is off-putting and can jeopardize the possibility that offspring will be raised Jewish.[58] I do understand these positions, both intellectually and emotionally.

On the other hand, there are people who may not be living within the system of Jewish law but who still strongly believe that their children should marry other Jews. In fact, it is sometimes the case that people who themselves have intermarried still hope their children will choose a Jewish partner.[59] Parents who feel marrying Jewish is a priority for their children should absolutely communicate their feelings to their children. In my experience, though, there are ways of communicating this message that are more likely to be effective. The key is that communication about intermarriage must be part of an overall communication strategy that allows for mutual listening and sharing.

Adina Bankier-Karp’s research on Australian Jewry shows that “an ongoing strong, warm and meaningful relationship with parents contributes to young adults’ adoption of a Jewish identification and connectedness which strongly resembles that of the home in which they were raised.”[60] I suspect the significance of her findings in this regard is pretty much universal. They suggest that both the tone of the home as well as the nature of parents’ relationship with their children in their young adulthood make a real difference in transmitting any message, including the importance of Jewish tradition.

It is also important for children to believe in the authenticity of the messages parents communicate to them. For this reason, if parents feel that in-marriage is a preferred choice, they must first and foremost demonstrate a rich cultural, religious tradition in the home and actively teach the importance of preserving this tradition. Parents also need to be direct about this preference. I have several friends who tell me they do not discuss their preferences because they feel their children know how they feel. But on any topic of importance and sensitivity, there is no substitute for honest discussion. It is also important to be prepared to support one’s view on this matter with reasons that will make sense to your children given their overall environment. For some families, those reasons will center squarely on the importance of preservation of tradition. For other families, the emphasis will be more on the reality that marriage in general is hard but it helps to have a more common background.

In our home, I frequently articulated the message that it was important for our daughters to marry Jewish partners because I felt any other choice would compromise the preservation of Jewish tradition. My husband tended to focus on the more practical benefits of having a partner from a similar background.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.